Accidental Bus Driver Suffers His Greatest Accident In Life

I was walking along the sands on a beach in East Lothian several weeks ago, when I came across this extraordinary object.

It is an unremarkable jellyfish, washed up on the shore. But as you will notice, its internal organs seemed to be in the shape of a cross. A purple cross, in fact not far removed from the St Cuthbert's Cross that you will see in Durham Cathedral, a place which I have strong connections with and feel is like my second home.

You can read what you like into this. A sign? A coincidence? Just a jellyfish. It will mean something different to everyone.

The day before yesterday my father was killed in a car crash.

It has been a torrid time for me, my family and all who know me. It has been cushioned by the most amazing outpouring of shock, grief, love and humanity to which me and my family have been privileged to witness in our lifetime. I cannot walk outside my door without someone appearing out of nowhere with a hug or a squeeze, some tears, or some flowers, and words either verbal or written.

I am truly grateful for two things.

1. Having a magnificent father who was loved by all and leaving a legacy of kindness and respect.

2. Living in an area and a country where the people are so caring, loving and kind. In all the bad press we read about, there is still an underlying greatness and warmth in Britain,.

So, that's enough of that. I am writing to all my kind readers to say that the Accidental Bus Driver is taking a small break. You will not want to read about the day to day happenings of someone going through a legal process rather than driving buses.

But I will be back. With more of the same. It's hard to teach an old dog new tricks.

A bientot.

Philip - Fastest Milkman In The North

This is Philip.

He is the milkman in the valley, in an era when it is a dying trade.

He is a hero. He deserves to be honoured. He is out in all weathers, all Bank Holidays and never lets anyone down.

He is always cheerful. He is adored by everyone. He knows everything about everything, everyone and everywhere. He always has something interesting and fun to say to you. He is always pleasant and kind about people. He loves his horseracing and his football. When you see him running earlier than usual, it is always the sign that their is a local racemeeting or a Newcastle United football match.

Aren't we lucky? Philip is the great face of the North of England. May the milk round continue for many, many years.

Tug Of The Heart Strings When The Children Fly Their Nests

It was a big morning.

It was the famous school trip - off to the north of the county, with the Year 4's for a two night stay in a castle.

The excitement was immense. the children were calm, the parents were less so. They were chewing their fingernails.

It was a momentous occasion. the children were nearing the end of their first school education. This was probably the first time many children had been away on their own in their lives. No wonder there is nervousness amongst the excitement.

The bus arrived. The children and luggage were loaded up. The whole school were leaning over the railings to wave the children off. They drove past to a crescendo of noise and waving. The parents turned away and got back into their cars. It was a symbolic moment. It was as if their children had grown up and flown the nest.

It will be nothing of the sort. They will be back in two days.

Air Of Financial Insecurity Along The Bus Route

Every year has its own catch phrases, which you hear repeated time after time. they could be: 'I'm loving this', 'flexible rostering', 'wake up and smell the coffee', 'blue sky thinking', 'I hear what you are saying,' and so on, and so on. You usually hear them from the mouths of politicians before they filter down to the general public. Often it is some form of American management speak or some form of corporate lingo which has been discovered on some training course.

This year seems to be different though. It seems to be more human. Whether it is because of the financial difficulties or not, I don't know.

On the buses, people have started saying: 'I can't take it (money) with me, so I'll ...' I seem to hear it every day.

'I can't take it with me,' said a lady, 'so I've splashed out on a new bath towel mat.'

'Oh my God, yer what?' yelled a student. 'All that money and she goes and spends it on a cruddy old bath mat.'

'Spot on,' said a voice from the back, using the second most used phrase of the year, and the one which seems to have replaced 'Champion' and 'Cushti'.

There does seem to be an air of financial fear around at the moment. All along the bus route there are shops shouting SALE with varying flags and banners, mostly in scarlet or shocking pink. Even the shop which permanently had CLOSING DOWN SALE had shown heightened urgency by CLOSING DOWN NEXT THURSDAY. That was two weeks ago and the shop is still open, but it is the thought that counts.

As I was looking at the shop windows, there was an audible clearing of the throat close to my left ear. That was a sign that a passenger was getting nervous I was going to drive past their stop. I sped up a fraction. enough to hear the pleasing result of hurried stomping down the aisle and some high pitched remarks like a novice cowboy on a bolted mustang:

'Whoa ... whooaah ... WHOOOAAAAHHH.'

I stopped at the bus stop and the passenger straightened his baseball cap and tracksuit.

'Spot on, mate,' he said as he vanished into the Cumbrian rain.
 

Turbo Ted And Albert Scuttlebucket Meet On The Back Of A London Double Decker Bus

It is strange how things pan out in life.

Only in the last post, you will remember, I was extolling the best of British design in the form of buses and especially how the bus used in the Italian Job looked so much nicer than the clinical modern day buses,

Well blow me down, as I drove over the hill to Durham, there was this row of vintage buses parked in a line in the Park & Ride. There were many people milling around, eyes bulging with delight and people wistfully shaking their heads and muttering, 'I remember when...'.

Who should be on the end but the boss. He had brought the old Bedford down to the rally. He had brought one of the retired drivers down too. He had driven for the company until well into his eighties and had brought down a photo album to show people about his life on the buses. Though many of the photos seemed to be of a kissogram girl at a past birthday party.

Turbo Ted was there too. He was another occasional driver for the company who had a passion for restoring old London double decker buses. As we sat on the back seat of the Routemaster, talking, an enthusiast came on and started firing questions. They became ever more personal.

'What do they call you?' he finally said.

'Lord Tom,' I said.

'Turbo Ted,' said Turbo Ted.

'Albert  ... Albert Scuttlebucket,' said the boss.

The man looked like a rabbit caught in the headlights, not knowing twhat the truth was, before ,making a speedy retreat.

Hang On A Minute, Lads, I've Got A Great Idea

Some good news from The Times. The De La Warr have commissioned one of our best known contemporary sculptors, Richard Wilson. He is going to recreate the final scene from the Italian Job, where the coach, loaded with gold bullion is teetering over the edge of a cliff.

This sculpture will be teetering over the Marina in Bexhill-on-Sea, voted Britain's third best seaside town to live in, in 2007. It is part of the London 2012 Festival, the finale of the Cultural Olympiad.

As an ignoramus I find it a great idea, and not surprising that something retro has to be done to show off the best of British design. Just look at that bus. Isn't it like a Rolls Royce in comparison to some of the insipid modern day designs? Perhaps there will be life size figures of the driver in the film - Big William and the gang leader Charlie Croker (Michael Caine).

This could be the start of a sculpture trend. Aeroplanes flying through bridges, trucks crashing into famous landmarks, cars upside down in flower beds ... the possibilities are endless. No doubt the Olympic cultural budget will be bursting at the seams to make this possible.

I look forward to more.

Farewell O' Vallium Run.

Farewell O' Vallium Run. Will I miss you? Not really. Eleven hours of trundling up and down the road, carrying the odd passenger was sometimes akin to watching paint dry. Then again every job has its down side and there were plenty of plus points. The characters on the run, the beautiful countryside where the light and the colours of the landscape were constantly changing.

It started out wet and dull, but very green ...

then the clouds lifted, the rain stopped and the sun came out ...

It was the usual Northern day. Four seasons in one day. Cold, warm, wet and dry. The only constant was the chill of the June wind, which varied from shivery to icy.

The passengers seemed sad to see the end of the bus route in its current form. They complained about the replacement service which would be a pale imitation of the current service. The introduction of any new service is always problematic, but this one with different times on different days, some buses roll up, some have to be booked and some only run as per demand, was challenging even the passengers with the most active brains.

It will sort itself out. There is no other option.

As a passing shot, one of the passengers is intent on giving a graphic description to their last visit to the dentist:

'He puts putty in my mouth. It's a nasty feeling. You see, he gets a large lump of putty and he rams it in my mouth ... that's when me arms and legs are waving all o'er the place. Then it gets worse ... he sticks ...'

Fortunately the passenger's stop comes up fast and it is not possible to complete the story.

So on my last run in the evening, I bid farewell to the Land That God Forgot, past the fields of buttercups which cover the redundant slag heaps and mine workings, past the caravan which never goes anywhere, the lay-by where some rubbish has been illegally left and the bus shelter where the pony is rubbing its backside against.

Will I miss it? I query again.

No I'll be driving through it on Monday, on another route. Through it. Without stopping. That's the best way to see it.