If Only The Olympics Were In Scotland . . . .

There was a storm of tropical magnitude as I walked by the Firth of Forth. But this was no tropical storm. this was a British one. Thunder, lightening, hailstones and wind which turned umbrellas inside out and made people walk at an angle, holding onto their hats. It made you think what we might have to look forward, weather-wise, to when the Olympics begin in August.

It also made you think, it might have been a more colourful choice to have given the Games to Scotland. At least the opening ceremony would be different.


I watched a duck having the time of his  life as a lawn gradually turned into a pond in the storm. I was mesmerised as several times, the duck waddled up the path like a triple jumper, raised his undercarriage and launched himself onto the lawn, flying forward on his belly for several metres in a mist of spray, before happily wagging his tail feathers and walking back to the start of the runway to have another go. Duck Aquaplaning could well be something for the opening ceremony. Danny Boyle may already have thought of it, as heseems to be focusing the spectacular on a theme based around the British weather.

Another idea he has come up with, is to have sheep in the arena and other animals. This will be marvellous, I thought as I was stuck in my car behind a farmer slowly moving his flock from one field to another. It is one of the best sights, unless you are in a hurry, with the varying noises from the bleeting animals to the swearing shepherds.  Perhaps Danny Boyle has it in hand for a mass sheep droving amongst the hoards of multicultural dancers which will undoubtedly be there. Perhaps he will have a cattle stampede.

But then again, there will have to be an army of people with pooper-scoopers as it would be highly embarrassing if Usain Bolt lost the 100 metre final as a result of slipping on some cowpat.

The Scots have taken to the Olympics. Well, the Councils have. Edinburgh has the same sized rings which they have placed on The Mound, high above Princes Street for all to see. Strangely they seem to be exactly the same size, material and design to those on the Tyne Bridge in Newcastle. I suspect someone has found a job lot and negotiated a reasonable deal.

Scotland would have been a marvellous venue. Imagine the Edinburgh Tattoo times ten for the ceremonies. Imagine the new sports:-

Digging - particularly relevant in Edinburgh as they always are digging up some piece of road in the centre.

Curling - as there is often a frost in August which would open up the possibility of outdoor arenas

and Beach Volleyball With Overcoats - on the windy shores of the Firth of Forth.

But it would be fun. No drugs. Each athlete would be offered a wee dram before their event. They were wrong to pick London. Not half as much fun.