Thursday, 10 March 2011

Camp Scarecrows, More Wind And A Hedge Is Flattened

The gateway was narrow at the sports ground in Yorkshire.

"Bloody idiot," I heard a voice behind me say. "Where the bloody hell does he think he is going? I turned to see a mid sized bus crash into the hedge as it failed to negotiate the tight turn. As it was my day off, and I was just a plain old member of the public going to watch his daughter play in a hockey match, I put my head down and tried to mind my own business.

For whatever reason, the voice I had heard sidled up to me and continued his lament about stupid bus drivers. Particularly ones like the driver who had just taken out the hedge.

"Typical bloody bus driver," he went on, "he could see it was a narrow entrance and could have got out and walked down the lane to have a look before driving down. Now I suppose I'll have to help him." And off he trotted to help the bus reverse all the way back down the lane.

What worried me was the fact that I had been clocked as an off-duty bus driver, or as someone with sympathetic tendencies towards buses. There were plenty of people milling around, but he singled out me. Were my clothes that tatty? Did I smell of eau de bus seat? Did I adopt the bus driver's stoop and walk? I have no idea.

Having watched my daughter trundle up and down the astroturf for a couple of hours, I got back into the car and turned tail up the A1. Nothing else out of the usual could happen. It was windy and the large vehicles were being buffeted across the motorway, struggling to keep straight. It was the usual dull motorway landscape flashing past and the reliance on the radio for any sort of excitement.

But then I saw it.

It was in the field next to the carriageway, dressed in tweeds and a cap. From a distance it looked like an ordinary scarecrow. But as I drew closer, its pose was different to ordinary scarecrows. With one leg in front of the other it appeared to mince. One arm was placed on the hip, the other was foreward as if to act as a balance. This was a very camp scarecrow. It seemed to do the job as there wasn't any sign of avian life for several fields. Maybe this is a new innovation.

Look out for a camp looking scarecrow, coming to a field near you soon.

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