Tuesday, 21 August 2012
Angry Notes In The Car Park. Why?
The angry looking sunset typified the mood of the country. Or that is what I have found over the last few months. The two weeks of optimism during the Olympics aside, the nation seems to be losing their rag over car parking.
I have had a succession of notes put on my windscreen. So has my wife. So has my friend. When comparing notes, through the mispelt threats, we found that the only constant was the use of varied tenses for the verb 'to fuck.'
My friend parked in the street somewhere in Yorkshire, to find a note which read:
THE NEXT TIME YOU PARK SO CLOSE, I WILL NEED TO BUY A F***ING CAN OPENER TO GET INTO MY F***ING CAR.
My wife parked in a street and walked to work. When she came back in the evening, there was a large note glued to her windscreen, which read:
WE'RE WATCHING YOU YOU F***ING F***ED UP COMMUTER B***H. YOU PARK YER CAR ERE AGIN AN WE WILL F***ING DO YER
And my most recent note appeared under the windscreen wiper on a scrappy piece of paper, of all places, outside Mothercare, in the special parking bays for children.
YOU F***ING GET - I CAN'T GET ME BEBBIES INTO ME CAR. YOU SELFISH F***ING GET YOU.'
I think this was an American habit, initially. They get very het up in the car parks. They're notes are usually a little more eloquent and use only one swear word which tends to be 'Asshole'.
I once had a friend who went to the races. After the last race he jumped into his car and drove for two hours to get home. At the end of his drive he suddenly had the dire revellation that this was not in fact his car, but one which was a similar make, model and colour. Amazingly the key fitted both ignitions.
He had to drive back to the track where there was only one car left in the vast car park. His car. His car with an irate man sitting on the bonnet.
'I'm going to sue your arse, you asshole,' he shouted. And he did too.