An Elephant Hit Me

Windsor Safari Park has been long gone. The fenced enclosures have long gone and have been superceded by Legoland, which is a lot kinder on the car you drive there. My car often used to return from the Safari Park missing a part or two. The baboons would climb onto the bonnet and unscrew the nuts holding the wiper blades, which would then be carried off into the undergrowth.

I don't know why I think fondly of the place. If you didn't get soaked by the killer whale and the dolphins performing acrobatics, you were likely to get pee'd upon by the monkeys. It was expensive, even after having free entry courtesy of some friend of my mother's who lived next door and whose garden bordered the park. The mother would heave several children over the fence and we would have to run past the giraffes to get to safety. I never saw a giraffe as my gaze was firmly fixed on the gate in the far corner, but the thunder of hooves (if giraffes have such things) could be heard.

I suppose it was the elephants which were the magnet. There is something magical about these beasts which stop me in my tracks whenever I see one.

It was a different experience which allegedly happened to a family on a day trip to the Safari Park. While driving through the enclosures where the signs stated:

UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES OPEN YOUR WINDOWS

the grandmother started to feel faint and wound down her window a little. An elephant stuck its trunk through the gap out of duriosity and probably what food was in the car. The grandmother screamed, paniced and hurriedly wound her window up, trapping the elephant's trunk. The elephant, undoubtedly due to pain and fear started lashing out at the car with his front feet, causing damage to the whole side panels. (if you want to know what it is like to be hit by an elephant - look at  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZJS-H52_hw - you'll get the idea.)

They were rescued by the wardens and parked up in the main car park. While the family went off to see the other animals, the father was still feeling very shaken and went to the bar for a drink or two.

On the journey home, there was a major accident involving two cars. Having witnessed the crash he pulle over and got out to see what he could do to help. A policeman came up to him and asked:

'Excuse me, sir, but were you involved in this accident?'

'No,' he replied, 'of course not'

'Well what happened to your car?'

'An elephant hit it.'

'Will you come over to my car and breathe into this bag?'

He was over the limit and was charged for 'drink and drive'.

It's a rrough world