Saturday, 19 June 2010

Double Talk In Fleetwood

I read a book once which said, in business, if you want to unsettle an opponent, simply repeat the last five words of every sentence they speak. I tried it once and it was true. After repeating five sentences, the person across the table started foaming at the mouth and screamed most expletives from the dictionary at me.

Sitting on the bus outside Fleetwood Market, I became the victim for the first time in my life of this dreaded technique. I suppose it was a case of 'what goes around comes around.'

An old man and his wife, wearing straw hats, tweed jackets, white shoes and carrying walking sticks stopped by the entry door. They looked it up and down, turned and said:

"My word. What a lovely bus," he said.

"My word. What a lovely bus," she said.

"Yes it's a lovely bus," I said, not wishing to enter conversation, because a bus driver's rest periods are sacrosanct. It was not worth pointing out that though it was a nice three year old Volvo, it looked like a Rolls Royce, when it was compared to some of the other 'buckets' parked alongside.

"What a lovely bus," he repeated.

"What a lovely bus," she repeated.

"Magnificent." I said hoping they would go away.

"Aye, it's magnificent."

"Aye, it's magnificent."


"Aye, it's beautiful."

"Aye, it's beautiful," said the wife.

"Is there any chance we can hire it for.......?" I closed the door, hid by pretending to pick up some rubbish in the seat behind and listened to them clunking down the pavement with their walking sticks.

"Well I never - what a rude driver,"

"Well I never - what a rude driver," I heard them say as they headed for the fish and chip shop.

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