Tuesday, 18 January 2011

Cheese Can't Stop The Football Chants

"Right you are flower," said the older driver as we carried the vicious looking circular saw out of the depot side door. "Just mind it doesn't catch you in the 'testimonials'" Between school runs the boss is generous to his drivers and tries to find them things to do to keep their wages up. Today there was a choice of washing buses, filling in the potholes or setting fire to the recently demolished wooden office block.

There is something therapeutic about bonfires. It burned well. Too well. The nearby children's playground vanished in the smoke for an hour. It did not matter as the children were at school and the place was deserted. The brief respite from driving energetic schoolchildren around was bliss personified.

It was not to last. School ended. The pupils were even more energetic than normal. Before long they were singing out of tune football songs....."Toon Toon Toon the Black And White Army". I found myself searching for something, anything to stick in my ears to kill the awful din. It was a situation similar to the BBC comedy Allo Allo where the German officers would stick camembert in their ears when Edith, the cafe owners wife started singing.

Having been shopping earlier, I happened to have some Northumbrian cheese in a bag by my side. I thought about it, but decided against the idea. Northumbrian cheese is hard, like a cheddar. That would be far more damaging than any football chant.

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