Defiance Shovel And Black Ice Are Good For Making Whoopee

The shovel which I purloined is sitting bolt upright in the front of the bus. It is the subject of nervous stares from the passengers as they board the bus. It is not an object which inspires confidence even though, on it's wooden shaft is clearly written, in bold black type on a yellow background, the word DEFIANCE.

It takes the passengers a matter of seconds to digest the fact that this is the manufacturer's logo and no reference to the resilience of the bus service or its driver. They know damned well that the driver will be the first one off the bus in the event of becoming stuck in a snowdrift and one by one they raise their eyes upwards and grin.

Yes, it's snowing again. So much for the forecasts of warm Atlantic winds and above seasonal average temperatures. Not in the North of England, for sure. But we have our own excellent amateur forecasters in the hills. The farmer's granny told me in morose detail last night that there would be more snow on the high ground where the snow was already lying. Call it what you like - clever intuition or old wives tales. Either way, it has been remarkably accurate all winter, so far. You might remember another one of the hill folk telling me six weeks ago that they were worried that the sheep were 'awfy low down on the fell', meaning a bad winter was in store for us all.

The snow melted later and was replaced by black ice on the return journey. The frozen roads did not frighten the school children. Their minds were on other things:

"You know Esmerelda," one of the pupils announced in a foghorn voice. "She says she likes that Boris and wants to, you know, have, you know, make whoopee............

It was pure coincidence that the bus, at that moment failed to take the bend on and veered at an odd angle towards the hedge. The bus straightened but there was a nasty crunching noise. One little boy's polythene bag holding some licorice gums split and the contents crashed to the floor and rattled down the aisle.

The journey continued peacefully.