Woodrow Wyatt would refer to this country as 'Dozy Old Britain' when it failed to keep up with the times over something or other. No doubt he would have used this phrase to describe the access route to Britain's largest theme park, Alton Towers.
I can hear him now.
"Only Dozy Old Britain would build the largest theme park in the middle of knowhere, with narrow country lanes with stone walls on either side as the only way into the place." Or something along those lines.
One driver told the tale of the coach driver who followed him into the park. He had driven round a tight corner to find a service bus coming the other way. He pulled into the side and made space for the service bus to get past. But the service bus driver waved his arms and refused to move.
The coach driver was extremely angry at this unhelpful attitude. He drew alongside and asked the driver why he had stopped.
"We have been told if we see a coach, we must stop and let the coach hit us," he explained. Incensed the coach driver got out of his coach, went to the window of the other bus and raised his arms. "You can't hit me as you will be responsible for your actions," said the service bus driver pathetically.
"I have no intention of hitting you," said the coach driver. He reached up and tore down the service bus's mirror, picked it up, put it under his arm, walked back to his bus and drove off. The service bus was left in a pickle as it was as good as useless without a mirror.
The coach driver drove on to Alton Towers, parked his coach and left the mirror on the concrete in the coach park. he went off to the drivers' canteen to have breakfast. "If the Police come and they want me, they vcan find me in the theme park, " he told the other drivers. Fat chance.
When he returned the mirror was not there. Travellers? The Police? A thief? Unlikely. Perhaps tit had been reunited with the service bus.
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