"You're just an animal," the boss said to Big Man bus driver. Not me, my friend and taller colleague, who is a local legend in all aspects but particularly in his eating habits.
"Well, for a night out I used to go to the Chinese. I'd start with Chop Suey with steak on top, then have chips with curry sauce with steak on top. Then some steak. Then I'd have another Chop Suey with steak on top. You see I am very fond of steak."
He is the only person I have ever met who has been banned from two 'Eat As Much As You Like' restaurants in the same street. They were unfortunately owned by the same person. Having been booted out of the one at the top of the town, he went down to the bottom but the owner made a rare visit and he was caught and evicted again.
The one price eat all carveries suffered the same fate. He took the whole joint of beef at one hotel and the whole joint of pork at another, filling the empty space on the plate with roast potatoes, Yorkshire puddings and veg.
"You can't do that," said the horrified chef.
"I can," the driver replied. "It says 'eat all that you want, and I want this. I like steak you see." Eviction Nos.3 & 4 followed.
"You're banned for life," said the owner.
"What your life or mine?" queried the driver. "He was nearing 70, you know."
The boss was silent for a while before asking: "Does that explain why your're not quite so trim these days? Is the fact that your shirt is often untucked hiding a few folds?"
"Wey aye. But it's just a little overhang."
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