Life on the ocean wave is great when it is calm. It was calm outside the ship in the North Sea. It was not so calm inside. My heart sank when, after the fantastic DFDS buffet dinner, we spotted a stag night on the way to Amsterdam, running up and down the corridors. To make matters worse they were in fancy dress.
The Geordie impersonator of Richard Gere was three-quarters pissed. His American Naval Officer's white uniform from the film An Officer And A Gentleman was ruined. There were beer stains down down the unbuttoned front. He was accompanied by Lady Gaga in a purple wig, who was toatlly pissed. The boxer shorts were hanging below the leather mini skirt ruined the effect. Both were shouting as they struggled to find the onboard nightclub.
I escaped to my cabin and slept to 1am. After that it was difficult to sleep anymore with the noise of the stag party rampaging around the ship. But I was the lucky one. For the next morning one of the organisers of the trip appeared at breakfast with huge bags under her eyes. She had got no sleep as the stag party's cabins were on the same deck as the children and there had been the necessity to patrol the corridors for most of the night.
Even the relaxed DFDS staff who were made up mainly with Poles and Filippinos looked as if they had been through the mill.
"We are arriving at Ijmuiden on time," announced the Captain. Everyone looked happy.
"But we are going to be late, as there are traffic problems in the port," he continued. Everyone moaned.
One hour later I was through customs and parked outside the Passenger Terminal entrance, waiting for the group to walk off the ship and go through Passport Control. Richard Gere and Lady Gaga came through first. Though they were out of fancy dress, I still recognised them from their mannerisms. They looked badly hungover and to revive themselves they resorted to playing Jackass style tricks on each other. The rest of the passenger and assembled crew of waiting Dutch bus drivers had to watch a display of happy slapping and whacking each others backsides.
How tolerant the Dutch are. The British neanderthals they must encounter. They deal with them brilliantly. They ignored the stag party who soon got bored and boarded a bus for Amsterdam. It was a relief to link up with the group again and hit the open road.
The tour had truly began.
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