Oh Deer. Scrap At The School And The Chocolate Fire Guard

The day should have just been another DDSA day. It wasn't.

The hobbling baby deer wandering aimlessly along the white lines in the middle of the road put an end to that. It looked as if it had been hit by a car. The fawn took one look at the bus and darted off to the verge and lay half hidden under a bush. As it was on such a dangerous corner all I could do was drive slowly past and warn the fast cars coming in the opposite direction. When I returned there was no sign of the fawn or any carcase, so it must have gained sanctuary in the neighbouring pine trees. Nature has a way of healing.

Another strange event happened as I was passing a church with several black limousines parked outside the lych gate. An ambulance sped past with its lights flashing and drew up alongside the hearse. The paramedics jumped out and ran into the church, carrying breathing masks and oxygen cylinders. How ironic. I could only presume there had either been a miracle, the vicar or one of the congregation had taken ill, or they had gone to the wrong address.

The afternoon school run was a catalogue of near misses. Not my fault. Two cars overtook the bus on blind corners and a boy racer came round another corner on the wrong side of the road at a conservative 60 mph. There was a screeching noise as his wheels locked up under his emergency breaking. He slid over the wet road but narrowly managed to avoid the stone wall. He lives to fight another day.

The school itself was a more chaotic version of Picadilly Circus. Children swarmed like ants between the buses, buses moved like elephants between the children. A fight broke out amongst some spiky haired boys. Two peeled off and punched each other on the top of a beech hedge. The hedge gave way and the others piled in. The fight was short lived and the group disbanded, shaking themselves down.

Then I noticed a teacher standing on the pavement watching all the chaos, but doing very little. "that sounds like Mr Bloggins," one of the children on the bus announced. "He's as useful as a chocolate fire guard."

Then the rains came. And they really came. The mist descended and the roads turned into rivers. It was like driving through a water splash at a theme park. Deep concentration was required. It was not so easy as some of the girls started to sing an out of tune Macarena.

Just another day.