Look Before You Leap

'Look before you leap' is essential advice for any bus driver or any passenger getting on and off a bus. I'm fortunate to have had plenty of practise and training in how to avoid stepping into something unspeakable when I disembark from the bus.

That is because I have a very old dog at home. As you will know, old dogs are very good at being lazy or registering a strong protest when something displeases them. The object of protest which usually confronts me when I leave early in the morning on bus duty, comes in the form of a large turd deposited just one footstep from the back door of the house.

I was grateful for the training I had had earlier, because when I parked in a lay-by on some busy dual carriageway, I managed to avoid stepping on a Home Pregnancy Test with my left foot and a used condom with my right. I couldn't stop wondering if both items had been left by the same couple. If so they have confounded science with their speed.

Lay-bys are becoming the repository for many stranger and unpleasant items being dumped by the side of the road. It is becoming less and less good for your health stopping in these roadside parking places.

This one was bad. Apart from the general aroma of stale wee wee, there were some redundant fridges, three piece suites and congealed pieces of pizza with the half moon shapes of teeth marks. There also seemed to be something which looked suspiciously like diesel soaked cat litter, being the residue of the red diesel when the red colour has been taken out.

So the next time you are thinking of stopping in a lay-by, put your wellies on before stepping out of the car. And, good luck.